


Hidden Feelings

by Fjeril



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of AdoSou, More Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-10 04:16:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11683860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fjeril/pseuds/Fjeril
Summary: Souma's incredibly nervous, lately; even his training and his favorite relaxation place aren't enough. Worse: if he lets his mind wander, it runs to the one person he'd rather forget about.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm, hey! Hello friends ~  
> This was completely unplanned because I was supposed to be writing about Rei, but CampNaNoWriMo happened and ended up being KaoSou instead of what I was supposed to write. Oops...  
> Thanks to Eydol for always being there and cheering on me!
> 
> One warning, though: this is cheesier than cheese

He was sitting next to the river, eyes closed, listening to the water making its way between stones and bamboo. Slowly, he exhaled all of his frustrations, all the things that didn't go right - and a _lot_ of things didn't go right that day; to the point even his kendo training hadn't been enough to evacuate it all. And it was the exact reason he had come here: because this place, away from everything, had the mysterious power of making him forget about everything that went wrong. Practice. School. The club. The disgrace.

He tensed up a little, so he stood on his feet. Unsheathed his _katana_ , to practice his _kata_. The shouts that accompanied each of his movements came from the bottom of his heart. Out with those thoughts. Out with those fights. He just wanted to be able to relax in that place he loved so much, but even that seemed impossible, today. And _why_ did he see that idiot's face whenever he closed his eyes?! They had fought, that day, right. But he had already gone through the  <<evacuating frustration>> phase, thought about why they had fought and what he could do about it.

Yet, he wasn't sure he had found the real answer as to <<why>> they were fighting so often, recently. He only knew he didn't like it, and felt lonely afterwards. Worse, he would feel bad talking about it to the club president: he was happy that Kaoru came to the club every time they had a meeting, lately, and proud that they spoke a bit together; Lord Shinkai just had no idea that, as soon as they were out of the room, the tone tended to rise, and it often ended up with the disgrace avoiding his blows just in time.

Souma stopped for a second. Hakaze shouldn't be able to avoid his blows, not when he sent them with so much rage and anger. Not when he had trained since he was born. Either that disgrace wasn't human, or... _Or I'm letting him escape_ , he admitted.

He looked at the long blade, sighed, and finally cleaned it before he sheathed it back. At least, his sword never lied, and that probably was why he hadn't managed forgetting about their daily quarrels. It was getting harder and harder to overcome, he had noticed, and that was why he had come next to the domain river. Very few members of the family came around, luckily, at that time of the day. Usually, it was enough to soothe him, but today...

_I'll just go home_ , he decided. _Maybe I'll ask if I can invite Lord Adonis, it would change my mind, at least._

Besides, Adonis had told him he wanted to spend some time together, very soon. Just the two of them. Even after so many months, Souma was still quite uncomfortable with letting their relationship appear in public, so just hanging out around the domain's forest, or along the river could be a great date, according to him. So, he went back home, placed his _katana_ on its stand, before asking for his parents' authorization. In the meantime, he hugged his little brother when he showed him he had grown up and would soon be even taller than Souma.

"Of course, you will," he smiled. "You're the best."

That was enough to make the young boy happy, and soon, Ryouta was running around the house, chanting <<I'm the best, I'm the best!>> without stopping. He watched Ryouta for a while, smiling, until his father came closer to him. The man sighed, shaking his head, still looking proud of his youngest son.

"He really is your brother," the man happily stated. "You were the exact same, at his age."

And Souma was very proud of that. He had grown up, now, and wouldn't dare claiming he was the best even if he were to win a tournament, but at least he wanted Ryouta to enjoy that moment.

"You seem very tense," the man added after a while, "do you have something to ask me?"

Immediately, Souma bowed as low as his back allowed him to, waiting for his father to stop chuckling - he seemed to find his son's eagerness amusing, even though the high-schooler just wanted to show respect.

"Please pardon my selfishness, Father, but would it be okay for me to invite Lord Adonis, this evening?"

He closed his eyes, hoping for a positive answer, even though he knew chances to get it were little. His family liked Adonis, but the Kanzaki weren't very fond of letting outsiders inside the domain. In the worst case, he could always meet him on the riverside, in town, but it would be crowded, and Souma wouldn't be able to feel completely relaxed.

"Of course," his father answered. "We'll be happy to greet such a nice young man in our domain. Go call him."

Immediately, Souma straightened up, eyes sparkling: Adonis coming would be the best news he'd have had all day, and at least it would allow him to forget about that image in the back of his mind, of that disgrace shouting at him to <<calm the fuck down with that weapon, you could kill a man!>>. So, after thanking his father at least a million times, he ran to his room, to call his boyfriend. He was really bad with technology, and using his phone always felt like a fight, but at least, he managed to push the <<call>> button after finding the name he wanted. Now, he just had to hope that Adonis would be able to pick it up. _I should have used the house phone. It would have been easier for both of us,_ he thought, while patiently waiting for the call to be picked up.

"Huh? Souma?"

_Wait._

"Are you calling to apologize or something?"

_Wait, no. That's not right._ It wasn't Adonis's voice. Why wasn't it Adonis's voice? And why did it suddenly feel like he had lost all of his strength?

"Souma?"

Ah, he had to answer, now. What was he supposed to say? He felt like hanging up without saying a word, but feared he wouldn't even be able to find out how to do that, and anyway, Hakaze would hate it. Not like he didn't hate him already.

"Ah... Sorry," he finally managed to say. "I'd rather apologize in person, tomorrow. I was trying to join Lord Adonis.

\- Ah, I see."

The tone in Hakaze's voice was so cold he almost dropped his phone, now completely emptied of his strength. That was stupid. Ridiculous. Why? Why did he have to react that way? Souma waited for a few minutes, waiting for his body to stop shaking. He breathed as calmly as he could, and as soon as he felt able to, made sure he joined the right person. Now, he really needed it. Looking at the screen, Souma noticed he didn't have to hang up: Hakaze had done it for him. Good. Because he wasn't good at using his phone. And also because he wasn't in the mood to speak to that god forsaken disgrace.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe ♥ Since this work is pretty short, I've been thinking about its publishing rhythm... It's gonna be twice a week, on wednesdays and saturdays ♪ Thanks for your reactions last time!

An hour later, luckily, Adonis was by his sides. He looked a bit uncomfortable, even though it wasn't the first time he came to the domain. After saluting Souma's parents, he quickly asked for a walk, in a calm place - exactly what he was expecting. So, not hiding his enthusiasm, he led his boyfriend along the river. Birds were singing, and they could even hear a few crickets sing their summer song. The perfect atmosphere... Except that Adonis didn't seem to follow it. It was strange.

"I would like to stop at the clearing," he asked, starting to know the forest well enough.

It was a great idea: Souma loved the clearing, even though he had left there thoughts of the wrong person, for the last few days. It was okay: it would clear the place from his quarells with his club mate, and would create new memories with his boyfriend. Perfect! So, as soon as they reached their goal, he put his jacket on the grass, sitting on it. He waited for Adonis to do the same, but the young boy was hesitant; in the end, he sat down too, facing Souma. But, on his face, his discomfort was still visible, and _that_ was unusual.

"Souma," he started, his voice slow and sounding even more serious than usual. "I think..."

Adonis seemed to be looking for his words, muttering them in his mother tongue, as if trying to remember their japanese equivalents. So, he waited a little bit more, wondering what actually was on Adonis's mind.

"I think we should have stopped," his boyfriend finally declared, correcting himself when Souma frowned in incomprehension. "We should stop...?"

The only thing that stopped, right at that moment, was his heart. He couldn't mean that, right? He had probably made a mistake when chosing his words, right? _Breathe, Souma, breathe. He can't mean that, can he?_

"Stop what?"

He still refused to believe it.

"Dating?"

_What...? No, no, no, I must have heard wrong. He must have meant something else._ He had to, right? Because otherwise, Souma's world was falling even more apart. And that was _not_ something he wished for: he had enough with his anger towards the disgrace. It was sad, because not so long ago Kanata was praising both of them for finally starting to get friends. And now, _that?_

"Why?" he found himself asking.

He was confused, because he couldn't find a reason for them to stop dating - but yet again, he had noticed his own capacity at lying to himself, earlier. So maybe there was a reason Souma was hiding from himself... Adonis sighed, his expression suddenly looking sad - had someone done something to him? Or threatened him? He would slice anyone who dared threatening someone dear to him, he just needed the name of the person, and-

"I can't stop thinking about Oogami," Adonis admitted. "And that's not right. I think it means something."

Oogami... Souma frowned. Ah, right. That guy from the other class, on the same unit as him. Ah, of course. UNDEAD spent a lot of time together, lately, and that often was the reason for Hakaze to show his face at the club: because they were working a lot. And that made Souma angry, because he souldn't _need_ that reason to show his face. _Ah, here I am again, with that disgrace's face all over my thoughts._

"I am a man of honor," Souma finally answered, even though he really didn't feel like one earlier, "so I can't force you to stay with me if you don't feel like it."

_Especially if I end up accidentally calling you the wrong name_. He decided to keep that part for himself, because this kind of thoughts didn't have its place in such a conversation. Not when he was supposed to think about his (ex?) partner's well-being. _I'll atone for my sins with seppuku, later._

"Uh... Thank you?"

Adonis seemed unsure of what he was supposed to answer (had he even understood the sentence?), so Souma decided to rephrase it. He earned a sigh of relief, and another <<thank you>>, more convinced, and sincere, this time. He nodded, and silence fell. What to say, now? What to do? He was going to spend a nice evening with the man he was in love with and forget that every time he closed his eyes, he could see the disgrace's angry face, but everything had taken an unexpected turn. He sighed, unable to find anything to say or do. He didn't feel at ease, right now, and it probably was the same for Adonis. Just going to bed early sounded like the best thing to do, for now.

"I guess I should go, now."

For a mere second, Souma thought about telling him to stay anyway and have dinner with his family and him, but right now, he didn't have the strength to do so. He just wanted time to stop. Or maybe just everything to stop. To just sleep while the world was going on without him, while all of his problems disappeared by themselves - but of course, his father reminded him of that at very lesson, it was impossible. So, he nodded, and stood up, almost forgetting his jacket there - Adonis had to remind him not to leave it on the ground. As soon as his friend was on his feet, they both left the forest, in silence, walking towards the entry of the Kanzaki domain. On their way, they crossed path with distant relatives, whose name he had forgotten again, but who still looked worried for him, until he greeted them with a smile.

As soon as Adonis had left the domain, Souma hurried to his room, ignoring the calls for dinner.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ~


	3. Chapter 3

Nothing had been solved. He was still angry at the disgrace, his multiple dates, and his bad reasons to show up at the club - and not even do anything in the end, because the club president and him had already fed all the creatures. He hadn't slept very well because of it, but also because he had felt abandonned right when he needed someone to be there. And now, he was alone... Classes were about to start, but the only thought in Souma's mind was meeting Kamegorou so he could tell his turtle friend all the things on his mind. At least, this one wouldn't give him up. Suddenly, skipping classes sounded like a great idea...

_No. I shouldn't think about that. It's good for worthless scum like him, but not for a Kanzaki._

Yet again, right now, he rather felt like a scum than like a Kanzaki; motivated to stay in class and listen to it only because he refused to lower himself to Hakaze's level. _Why does he have to be in every single one of my thoughts, anyway?_ _Just go away to one of your stupid dates!_

"Kanzaki? Are you feeling alright?"

He blinked, not expecting someone to talk to him, and, by reflex, started unsheathing his sword. In front of him stood Anzu, the only producer course student. With a sigh of relief, he sheathed the weapon, and closed his eyes. He was sorry she noticed his mental state, but after all, she probably could help him.

"I can't allow myself to answer positively," he answered, straightening his back. "Lady Anzu, may I ask you a question?"

She tilted her head, listening to him. He was glad his friend was such an attentive person, and he would probably need her support for the time being.

"How do you get rid of thoughts about someone when it parasites every aspect of your life?"

She blinked, twice, before sitting on the chair that belonged to the place before him. The young producer seemed completely at loss for a second, before she started thinking about it.

"Do you mean, someone you love?"

Souma shook his head. Of course not someone he loved! That one was another problem, though he couldn't do much about it. So, he started explaining his problem, trying not to quote names, even though the smirk at the corner of her lips told him she knew more than what she accepted to say. But by the time he ended, their teacher took place in the class, so she told him she'd think about it before the break. at least, Souma was glad someone was there to listen to his complaints.

He could see Adonis at the place next to his, during the class, and it was a bit unnerving: as much as he understood the reason for their separation, he couldn't feel at ease just yet, not a few hours only after their relationship ended. But, he guessed, the other party probably was the same, and that calmed him just a little. He still couldn't focus on the classes, though, but mostly because he hadn't eaten, the night before. He felt less energetic than usual, and knew he would need to eat twice as much before practice - he didn't want to colapse and lose his seniors' time, especially because of such a trivial reason. Not to mention he had a disgrace to cut afterwards.

As soon as he would be done with that, at least, his mind would be at peace, right? That was what he thought, until the break, where Anzu came to talk with him. Suddenly, he remembered all the things he had shamelessely told her in the morning, and felt a bit flustered: why hadn't he been able to solve his own problem by himself? _I'm too selfish_ , he guessed. _I should atone for my sin with seppuku. Just maybe not in class._

"I know that face. Souma, you're not committing seppuku. Ever. Instead, you may want to talk to Hakaze, so you could clear things up between you?"

How could have she guessed what was on his mind?! Was she a sorcerer, too, just like the red-haired weirdo? He frowned for a second, before she sighed and hit him on the head. He had to admit, she was very strong, for someone with such a frail body. As a reflex, he started unsheathing his sword, but the disapproving look she gave him was enough to guess it wasn't a good idea.

"Why should I talk to that disgrace? I don't even know why he's so aggressive, lately."

While his left hand was clenching, Souma realized Hakaze wasn't the only aggresive one. After all, he _did_ want to cut that man into pieces. Thus, he gave up, sighing.

"I think both of you need to untie that knot. And you should do it together. I may have an idea of what's at the origin of it, but really, it's better if you both come to your conclusion. Okay?"

He sighed deeply: she was certainly right, yet the young man wasn't sure he wanted to spend so much energy on such a man. After all, he already spent a lot of it just remembering his face and voice all the time, right? He had even started getting in his dreams, and clearly not the kind of dreams Souma wanted him in - luckily, he always managed to wake up in time. In the end, he nodded, trying to figure out what he could do to change the situation. First, he needed to find the disgrace. Second, to tell him they had to talk. Third, to find a way, or a moment to do so without the club president around. And then... _Then I'd better hope he doesn't run away._ If he did, Souma would have no hesitation cutting his head, especially in their current situation.

"Understood, lady Anzu. Thank you."

Though she seemed a bit perplex (or was it "despaired"? He was quite bad at reading her expressions), she wished him good luck.

"I'll cheer for you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ~ I wonder, why should Souma go and talk to the disgrace~?


	4. Chapter 4

He wouldn't come, right? Just to annoy Souma. Because he was angry against him, he would avoid going to the club, and rather go to one of his stupid dates, tell the girl the same thing he said to all of the others, and then go to his practice. Thus, he wouldn't come, and they wouldn't talk. _What if I called him?_ Shaking his head, he decided against it. He probably wouldn't even answer, after their short call, the day before. Whatever, he would be with the president and their sea friends, and that would be perfect. For a moment, he would forget the disgrace, right?

That was the conclusion he had reached by lunchtime, and he couldn't wait to devour the contents of his lunchbox. Made with love by his mother who knew he hadn't eaten at all the night before - it was probably filled with a lot of good things! Yet, a second after he had taken it out of his bag, a familiar blond face had peeked throught the class door. Suddenly, his hunger disappeared. Souma started packing his lunch back in his bag when Hakaze approached him.

"Hey, Souma," his voice sounded broken and low, "care to go eat together? You can say no, I mean..."

He blinked. Twice. _Wait. I expected not to see your face the whole day, and there you come. For lunch. What the hell._

"Alright, you don't want to, that was expected... Sorry, see you later," the disgrace nodded, and turned his back.

_I can't let him leave!_ Suddenly, Souma saw himself get up, and grabbed his senior's wrist. He couldn't let this opportunity go. Definitely not. Today, he was getting to terms with the disgrace, so he could leave his head when Souma had other things to think about. Like his recent rupture with Adonis. Or his brother's upcoming birthday. The sooner it would be done, the better it would be.

"Let's go eat together," he accepted, ignoring his former boyfriend's look when he picked up his lunchbox.

There was a smile on the disgrace's lips. A tiny one, that said he wasn't feeling too well either, that didn't look half as bright as his real one. It was sad, because Hakaze had the most beautiful smile he could think about, when he was happy. Some time ago, when they had started to get closer, Hakaze had even smiled that way for him - a true blessing, even though his heart and mind were so troubled he had had to sit for a while.

For now, he followed Hakaze in the park, where his senior suggested they sat on a bench. Usually, Souma would have suggested to sit near the fountain, to spend time with their club president too, but that day, it was out of the question. They needed to be alone. As soon as Hakaze was sat, the second year looked at him, lowered his head, and bowed very low.  He couldn't allow himself to sit next to Hakaze's sides without apoligizing.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I've been causing you. I shouldn't have talked to you the way I did yesterday.

\- As long as you don't commit _seppuku_ , your apologies are accepted. I'm sorry too, Souma," the second year felt chills down his spine when he heard his name in Hakaze's mouth, "I went overboard yesterday."

After accepting his senior's apologies, Souma sat next to his sides, his lunchbox on his knees. He still didn't feel like eating, but his body was still hungry and he would need to eat at some point anyway. Eyes staring at the handkerchief that covered the box, he tried to organize his thoughts. His mind was filled with questions, and his heart only half willing to follow. Fiddling the fabric, he waited to find something to say, for a gesture from his senior. But Hakaze only opened his own lunchbox, and started to eat. After a while, he put his chopsticks aside, and looked at the distance.

"You know, I've had a very hard time admitting that to myself, but, I think," the blond took a deep breath, "I think I like spending time with you guys."

Souma blinked. He _what_? The man who spent his time saying how he wasn't interested in spending time with other guys because he preferred girls just admitted he liked spending time with them? There was a point of sarcasm in the way the second year took it. Hakaze had apparently discovered the concept of  <<friendship>>.

"I guess that's good news," he still admitted, wondering if the disgrace was mocking him. "Then is it why do you always seem so tense, lately?"

Immediately, he saw his senior's fist clench. The man was tensing up again, causing him to sigh deeply. It was sad that he couldn't relax like he used to. Like the man Souma had taken more of a liking to than he would ever admit. _I miss his smile_ , he realized. _At least it made sense that I didn't actually want to cut him up when he smiled._

"Kinda. But, you know... I'm scared, actually."

The laugh that followed didn't seem amused at all, and Souma would accept being cursed if there weren't hints of tears at the corner of his senior's eyes.

"What are you scared of?

\- Many things. My father, motly. He wants me to find a woman to marry and not lose my time with <<those fags>> as he calls all of you. I guess he fears I'm gonna turn gay or something.

\- Do you fear that too?"

Because if he did, there was a sword waiting for him just next to Souma. That man could be ridiculous, sometimes, and needed to be put in his place. But yet again, he wasn't even sure any of his blows would reach its aim.

"Kinda," Souma reached for is _katana_ , "or rather, I did, until not too long ago.

\- What happened?

\- I fell in love with a guy. But you see, I have the worst luck in the world, and his heart is already taken."

Souma fell silent. That disgrace, the very one that seduced every girl he could see, had fallen in love with a _man_? It was the first time he heard something like that. He felt a bit sad for him, by the way, especially now that Souma was in a similar situation. But it still didn't explain everything: even if his senior was scared of his father, it didn't explain why he would get angry at Souma soon after one of them entered the club, on a daily basis.

"I understand that," he quietly answered, surprised to feel way more relaxed than he was in class. "But then, why would you get angry at me in particular, for not-so-important things?"

Next to him, Hakaze bit his lip. He looked guilty: good, it meant he realized his behaviour was a bother to Souma, especially when he expected spending a good time with his friends. But the answer wasn't coming, and that was annoying. He just wanted to be able to spend time without having his head full of Hakaze, especially if it was to stay angry against him. He had other things to think about, after all. Like classes, and practice, and kendo and turtles ! His father had started getting a bit annoyed about how unfocused he was, these days, but Souma had been unable to talk about his troubles. He didn't want to think about how his family would react if they knew his problem was someone from school.

"I..."

He waited. For two minutes, for something to come out of his upperclassman's mouth. But nothing came, expect a pained expression that didn't explain much. Sighing, he got up, facing his senior. Despite the second year student's expectations of getting their problems over with, it seemed they would need a little more time to think about it.

"Maybe we should talk about it again, later," he suggested, "when you find the words to put on your reasons, whatever they are. What do you think about it?"

He got a surprised look as an answer, and let his senior think about it for a moment. If they weren't able to solve the problem now, then it was no use insisting on it. Taking some time to reflect on it would be better, and Souma could also feel that concentrating would be easier.

"Are you sure you're okay with it?" Hakaze asked, "Because you really look like you're not feeling good at all."

Souma looked away, biting his cheek. The disgrace wouldn't be the first one to tell him about it, that day, and he knew his unit members would do the same when they would meet for practice later that day. Going through that at least three - no, _four_ , the club president wouldn't let it slip either - times that day would be harder than expected, yet, for some reason, he wanted to be clear and honest with Hakaze. Maybe opening up wasn't a bad thing, and would help thinking their problem with each other through.

"I got dumped," he explained, "Yesterday night, a little after I called you. I suggested we met because I was too worked up by the quarrel you and I had, and that's how it ended up."

His senior's eyes widened, and, in silence, Hakaze stood up and took him in an embrace - so quickly he didn't even have the time to unsheathe his _katana_ , and actually, he didn't even feel the will to do so. The hug felt nice, and he needed it, especially if it would help bring that smile back on the blond's lips. And in that very moment, he was glad he had such dedicated friends; yet it was qite unexpected from this very particular person to act clingy.

"It's going to be okay," his senior whispered, "You're not alone. It might be hard and frustrating, but we're here for you, okay?"

Shaking, Souma nodded. It was hard for him to process the fact that _Hakaze_ was hugging _him_ , a _man_ , to _confort_ him; so his words, even though they were gentle and full of real compassion, didn't hit the second year student immediately. The only thing he knew, right at the moment, was that he liked the contact. It felt warm, and nice, and very, _very_ precious, because Hakaze didn't hug men. _What did I do to gain that privilege?_ he wondered, answering the hug slowly, to try and avoid scaring his senior.

Hakaze only slightly shifted, bringing him closer; and Souma didn't even try to resist, because he was finally getting what he needed the most right now. Closing his eyes, he let himself relax, found himself tearing up a moment. He allowed himself to forget about time for once in his life, or even with whom he was. He was feeling just right, in his place, and even started feeling a little tired - a few more minutes later, his stomach reminded him he hadn't eaten anything yet.

"Let's eat," his senior kindly laughed, and his laugh was equal to his smile: nice, beautiful, heart-warming.

It would be nice, he thought, if he could hear it his whole life. Whenever he felt down, or whenever he was happy. Wherever he went. Soon, the embrace was broken, and when he opened his eyes, Souma saw Kaoru's smile as his senior checked his face. Now, he definitely felt better. So, finally, they sat on the bench, and started eating together. In silence, at first, until Hakaze started talking about everyday things, like how he had found Oogami hiding from Sakuma by hiding in his locker, or how he had found himself entering the wrong practice room. He was a bit surprised not to hear anything about Adonis, but couldn't help feeling grateful for it: Souma, in the end, couldn't find the heart to tell Hakaze he had been dating someone from UNDEAD.

Lunchtime went on quickly, as they did small talk, apologized a last time for their inappropriate behaviours the past days, saluted each other with the promise of meeting again at the club, later that day. He couldn't wait to be surrounded by the fishes, and meet his adorable Kamegoro. The turtle was a good listener, and an excellent entertainer, that (almost) always managed to make him forget about his problems - except when the disgrace was in the room. Though, when he stood in front of the club door, at the end of classes, he didn't mind if his senior was there. Actually, it would probably be better if he was.

"Souma," he heard, "Are you going to look at the door for the whole time or do you plan to come in?"

As his lips turned into a smile, Souma entered the room, appreciating its dim light. Soon, he was next to Kamegoro's vivarium, feeding him his favorite veggies, kindly prepared by the club president. The small turtle was eating, happily, climbing on his arm, as usual. Souma never dared moving when Kamegoro did that, because he feared for the creature's life. But this time, he was a little surprised to see a shadow next to him, watching his every move. So, Souma turned a little bit, showing the turtle to his senior.

"You can touch his shell," he explained, "but very lightly, or it'll hurt."

Hakaze nodded, extended a single finger to caress the shell a few times, until the turtle acknowledged him, and started going the opposite way on his junior's arm. Once Kamegoro was on Souma's hand, it seemed to look thoroughly at the blond man, as if inspecting him to decide if it liked him or not. After another caress, it finished eating the salad leaf it had in its mouth, still staring at Hakaze.

"He thinks you're okay," Souma explained, waiting for the turtle to finish his dish to place him back in the vivarium.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see their club president watching them from his position next to the jellyfish tank. It was Souma's second favorite in the club, but right now he was terribly busy with his favorite turtle, and his senior. Hakaze seemed very interested in the way he was caring for the little creature, they way Souma put him back in its vivarium while making sure he wasn't hurting him. And, actually, feeling the third year student's gaze all over him - his hands, his arms, his face - flustered him a little. He still managed finishing his task, before checking the schedule for the club. They had planned a day at the sea the next week, if everything went well. At least, Hakaze always went to the trip to the sea. It was the only thing he never missed, even when he avoided the club.

_I just hope we don't end up fighting again before going..._

Closing his eyes, Souma let himself sit on one of the club's chair, trying to ignore the gazes he felt from time to time. The club president seemed to have stopped watching him, but the last member seemed to gaze at him quite often. Probably absent-mindedly, sometimes more nervously. Not wishing for a conflict, especially after their lunch together, Souma decided to ignore it; yet, it was difficult, and the second year found himself preventing a sigh of relief when he heard the president softly say:

"Go talk to him, Kaoru. It's always <<happy>> when the two of you are <<friendly>> with each other."

_Friendly..._ Souma had what he considered a lot of friends (compared to middle school, where most of the other students were members of the Kanzaki family and were mostly _competing_ with him), but with none of them he acted the same way as he did with Hakaze. Could he even call him a friend? The hug, earlier, led him into thinking so, yet he wasn't sure if it was a normal friendship. If they could ever consider themselves both as close and as distant as friends were. Souma decided it wasn't too important for now, and that if Hakaze wanted to tell him something, he could just gather up his courage and come talk. Souma wouldn't kill him, after all! Well, unless he did anyting inappropriate. Or weird. Or talk about his girlfriends.

Okay, he probably _would_ kill Hakaze. Yet, he couldn't help thinking about the hug from before, and could still feel his senior's arms around his waist, the very light yet familiar scent of his fragrance, the way he had felt _home_ for a few minutes. It was magical, and had him forget about all his problems for a few hours. The idea of sitting close to Adonis even had no impact on his actions for the first hours, until his mind decided otherwise. Trying to forget the thought that he wouldn't mind getting more hugs to feel fully charged at each break, Souma looked into Hakaze's grey eyes.

"Hey," he called, "are you feeling a little better?"

The second year student blinked a few times, flabbergasted. Now, his senior was _checking on him_? What was happening in his world? Unsure of what to answer, he simply nodded, refraining his trail of thoughts from turning into actual words.

"Thank you for talking with me during lunchbreak," Souma still declared, a bit unsure of what to say.

Actually, he still had no idea why Hakaze would have taken him in his arms, or why he was taking care of him that day. That probably was why the club president thought of them as <<friendly>>, yet the second year wasn't a complete fool and knew it could stop any time: a single wrong sentence and they could be on the verge to fight again. The idea made him sad, because if he had lost a reason to smile, at least he wanted to be able to see happiness on Hakaze's face. Just that was enough to make him feel better, yet Souma still hadn't got the chance to get a glimpse of it, that day. His senior, for some reason, seemed to be as depressed as him, and that was easy to understand: the man Hakaze had fallen in love with was already taken. Every time he thought about those words, his heart seemed to be exploding, sending words to his brain. <<No I'm not>> he wanted to say, to shout, <<Not anymore!>> Yet, Souma wasn't the man Hakaze loved, and couldn't even understand why he would want to say that in the first place.

"You're welcome," he heard from a lost voice, "but, huh.. I wanted to ask you if you were free some time next week."

The third year student's behaviour was quite unusual: playing with his hair, a foot tapping on the ground, he seemed unusually nervous. That was strange, and rare, coming from the man who had the highest self-confidence around. A little worried, the turtle-passionate tilted his head.

"Yes, of course, but what for?"

The question seemed to take him aback, because he stayed there, mouth open, a stupid look on his face. It took him a whole minute before he gathered his thoughts.

"Well, uh, I don't really know, maybe go for a drink or something, or just a walk, anything you like," Hakaze suggested, still looking a bit lost, as if he didn't understand why Souma asked.

And that was even more confusing, because never had his senior asked for such a thing before. Falling in love with a guy seemed to have pushed his <<I'm not interested with spending time with guys>> reflex away; the junior was glad for it, but was still a little startled by the fact that _Hakaze_ was asking _him_ of all students to spend time together. He would have rather guessed for any UNDEAD member, or even Shinkai. Any of those was more logical than _him_ , a mere junior that threatened to kill him on a regular basis.

_Wait, maybe it's because one of them is the one that made him sad, and he wants to talk about it?_ That could definitely be. But then why would he want to talk to _Souma_ , especially when he probably thought his junior had been dumped by a woman? _I shouldn't ask myself too many questions,_ he thought, _he probably just wants to help me feel better_. And he should be grateful for Hakaze's attention, right? It wasn't easy to obtain in the first place.

"Alright," he answered, and the relieved sigh that followed sounded like the heaviest in the world. "Though is it alright if I suggest a bit of an unusual place?"

For some reason, he wanted to bring his senior to the Kanzaki domain. Though it wasn't really open to the public, somehow, Souma trusted his senior enough to let him in. At worst, he would just stand his junior up, which was nothing out of Souma's trust range for him.

"Please do," Hakaze happily replied. "Anywhere is fine with me as long as it's fine with you."

Souma nodded, relieved to have the right to choose.

"Then, wait for me after school, tomorrow."

Hakaze tilted his head, surprised, and for the first time in his life, the second year student witnessed every single step of a smile. Not _any_ smile: the one he liked the most, the one that always cheered him, that warmed his heart and made it pound louder. And its charm was working once again: the youngest member of the club felt his cheeks warm up, even when he averted his eyes from the source of his embarrassment. Which was a difficult task already, considering how much Hakaze was shining. How could people even _shine_ , how was it even physically possible?! And why him in particular? Souma couldn't help but feel irritated at the thought.

"Souma," something soft and warm was touching his right hand, "Why would you <<want>> to do that?"

On the club president's face was the softest of smiles. He seemed to shine, too, but with a lighter, softer radiance; just enough to let Souma notice he had started drawing his _katana_ out, and was about to cut his senior in half. Eyes wide open, he immediately pushed it back in its sheath, apologizing by bowing as low as he could in front of his seniors.

"It's okay," the blond answered, "as long as you don't atone for your sins with _seppuku_ , we're fine."

Once again, Souma felt his cheeks get hot: he had, indeed, thought about it. He guessed his senior was used to his habits, and for once, he was glad for it: atoning for his sins just after they had decided to spend a day together would be terribly sad, especially for the poor club president who only wished for them to be friends.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading ♥ I'm really sorry for the randomness of those chapters' length though ~


	5. Chapter 5

Souma half-regretted he had told Anzu about his rendez-vous with Hakaze. She had proceeded to send him cheerful messages, but it had been two hours already, and his phone's battery had lost half of its charge. The poor device kept vibrating to tell him he received messages, and when he had tried to turn it off, it had taken a picture. So, Souma had decided to let it vibrate its battery out in his pocket. He wanted to use it in case his senior was late, or standing him up, but in the end, was getting yet another proof he couldn't rely on technology.

Instead, he relied on his ears, and the song Hakaze was singing. It was a recent, popular song sung by a woman, and sounded definitely more like what he'd have expected his senior to sing if he wasn't in UNDEAD. Souma couldn't even understand what Hakaze was even doing in that unit. Actually, he had a hard time understanding anything concerning the blond. His attitude, the words he used, the way he skipped classes, practice and the club and yet still managed to perfectly master songs and dances, to find the right words when needed, his smile and his hugs even though he was reluctant to contact with males... Hakaze Kaoru made no sense at all, and yet Souma was there, calmly waiting for his senior to reach the gates.

"Hey," Hakaze finally called, ignoring Morisawa's loud, surprised gasp, "sorry for making you wait."

Souma shook his head: he couldn't blame his senior, especially when he was so nervous to bring him there. What if he didn't like the place? What if it was so old that he got bored? What if he mocked Souma? _Wait, calm down, Hakaze's lazy but he doesn't mock people_. As soon as they were both ready to go, Souma lead his club mate along the way. They were walking next to each other, in silence, just enjoying the song of the crickets. Along the way, Hakaze stopped at a vending machine to buy a fresh drink, putting a second on in Souma's hands. The younger smiled: for once, he felt like he was spending time with a senior.

They arrived at the doors a few minutes later, and it took Souma a moment before he noticed nobody was following him anymore. Hakaze had stopped at the entrance, looking at the old, traditional door, where the family's name was engraved in golden letters. It was fun, seeing someone stop to admire it. People were mostly used to it, and sometimes, the Kanzaki family tended to forget the door was even here in the first place - except when they needed to clean it, for festivals and the new year. _Ah, I probably should have warned him?_ He waited for his senior to come back on Earth, admiring how adorable Hakaze's expression was. Souma was already feeling better than two days ago, and the feeling only grew when the childish, shocked face of his club mate turned towards him.

Trying to hide the pride and amusement he felt, Souma only let a small smile appear on his lips, and waited for his friend. He would get burried under a mountain of questions when Hakaze would be able to speak again. For now, he just kept leading him into the huge domain, saluating members of his family as he passed by them, holding a dead silent Hakaze's wrist. As soon as they reached his favorite place, near the river, Souma let his senior sit on a rock, before putting his jacket on the ground and sitting on it. He started looking at the clear water, running just near them, and even put a hand in it.

Unlike two days before, he was feeling calm and relaxed. Now, his quarrels with the blond were far away, as well as the frustration of being left by his boyfriend. A few more discussions with Anzu, and his training, had him think it over, and Souma had decided that rather than being angry or sad, he'd better thank his former lover for the time they had spent together and what he had learnt from it. So, in the morning, he had done so, and Adonis had seemed really relieved by that, admitting he didn't like the idea of losing someone he still held as a dear friend. They were a lot alike, and maybe that was why being friends was enough of a relationship for them.

_But Hakaze, though..._

The second year student turned his head towards the soon-to-be gradute, who was trying to recover his mind. He looked all around him, where the only thing to see was the ocean of grass and the calm river. There were no house around, and consequently no voice, nobody to disturb their moment alone. Souma was glad for that, silently waiting for any reaction to come.

"I... Didn't know your family was _that_ large," the blond finally admitted. "I mean, no offense, but I thought you lived in a house with your parents and your brother..."

The purple-haired student was a bit confused by how incoherent the speech was.

"I don't see what you mean," he confessed, "I do live in a house with my parents and my brother.

\- Your _name_ was on the _torii_?"

Ah, so _that_ was what he meant, the domain, his family's pride, right? Souma gritted his teeth for a second, hoping none of his family members would say too much.           He didn't need that for now. But how was he supposed to hide anything now that Hakaze had seen the door? He sighed, finally deciding that he couldn't lie without feeling wrong.

"To make it simple..."

He looked for his words, trying to stay true to himself while not saying too much. He didn't want his senior to judge him, or change his attitude towards Souma if he learnt everything.

"Ah, it has something to do with your precious _katana_ , right?"

Sometimes, he blessed the fact his senior thought too much. In the blond's eyes were interrogations, that were soon pushed away by gentleness. Souma couldn't understand that man, but at least, he was glad for the way he was. Many people got a wrong opinion on Hakaze, thinking he only cared about how many girls he would put in his bed. Souma, after spending some time next to his sides, had learnt that there was more to it, and that even if he was angry with you, Hakaze would teleport to your sides if he could, to help you. He had had the proof quite recently, and not a single word of hatred had been pronounced since then. Souma even noticed he hadn't called him a _disgrace_ for a while.

"Kind of," Souma finally replied, the tip of his fingers in the water, "It's... A long story."

His senior nodded, not adding any word.

"I'm sorry, this place might not seem as lively as where you're used to go," he apologized.

He guessed the third year was more used to going to town, concerts, cafes and all those noisy places, full of too many people; nothing like the tranquility of the Kanzaki domain's nature. The kind of place that Souma preferred, where he could concentrate, and think, and relax, as if the rest of the world didn't exist.

"It doesn't matter," the answer was, and the warmth in his heart grew a little bit, "I'm happy to discover this part of you."

Discovring parts of him, huh... He was glad his friend wouldn't judge him, and in a way, a little jealous: Souma, too, wanted to discover more about his senior! Yet, the man was way more secret about his life, contrarily to what the flirtings could let people believe. It was actually a very clever way to hide his real feelings, and he had even once heard Hakaze's unit members complaining about how secret their number one slacker was. So, whenever he got a glimpse of the true Hakaze Kaoru, Souma felt privileged.

"Thank you," the young man answered, smiling. "And thank you for your support, lately."

The older one nodded, while the second year was taking two lunch boxes out of his bag. He had prepared these for the two of them, thinking about the little he knew about his friend's taste. He wasn't the best at cooking, but he had done his best, and hoped it would be satisfying enough - he didn't want to disappoint Hakaze, for some reason. And besides, he had the feeling than eating together in that place would be more comfortable than to get the dinner at home, but that probably was because Souma's mother was the most curious person on earth, and the blond was nothing like Adonis. Worse, she would try and make her son tell her about everything, and he refused.

She wasn't even aware that he was having a relationship with one of his classmates, but she did know about his interest for the same sex. Thus, she would probably be curious about why Souma had decided to spend time with a senior rather than the one guy from his class that she always saw, and would probably start getting ideas... _Mothers are dragons,_ he decided, opening his own lunchbox.

"You seem lost in your thoughts, Souma. Are you alright?"

He shook his head, looking towards his senior. Hakaze looked a bit worried, his chopsticks just above his lunchbox. Souma immediately apologized, focusing on his food rather than his guest. They exchanged a few words, about random things, about how the school was changing, and how participating in lives was getting more fun than just some obligation to humiliate or be humiliated. About how the atmosphere was getting lighter and everybody was starting to have fun together. Souma hoped it could last forever, but the second he talked about the next year, a sad smile took place on his lips. His heart felt like it had stopped, and he found himself putting his hands on his senior's face, to try and get the real smile back. It didn't matter that his food fell from his knees, or that he was acting weird.

It only mattered that Hakaze wasn't supposed to make this face. He had enough problems, Souma had learnt, not to be burdened with one more.

"I'm sorry," the younger apologized, "I didn't want to hurt you."

He didn't know _why_ exactly Hakaze was hurt, and it was okay if his friend didn't want to tell him why he was. He just wanted to ease his pain as much as possible, but Souma had never been good with physical contact, or expressing his feelings; he didn't expect Hakaze to put his food aside and hug him with all his might. Or to feel the way his hands clutched onto his jacket, so strongly they probably could tear it. It almost hurt, how strongly he was embraced, but Souma took on himself to stand the pain. His senior's feelings were more important. So, he kept the man close to him, slowly rubbing his back. He didn't know what more he could do, but maybe there was nothing, considering Hakaze's face was hidden in the crook of his neck, and he could hear him sniff from time to time.

"I'm sorry," Hakaze muttered, "I'm afraid of the future. I don't want to graduate, I just want to stay safe in this school, away from home, by your..."

He interrupted himself, and Souma saw his eyes look away from him. _What did he want to say?_ He wanted to ask for more, but refused to push his senior too much. He was already feeling down, no need to put him in a worse state. Yet, around his body, Souma could feel the embrace losen a bit, enough for him to feel comfortable. It was out of the question for him to release his senior until he was sure everything was okay again. And even then, he just hoped Hakaze wouldn't break their hug, because Souma had just found out that he felt _really, really_ comfortable in it.

In the end, most of their evening was spent that way, with very few words but a lot of contact. More than Souma would usually feel comfortable with, though for some reason, it felt _different_. Nothing like his parents' hugs - he liked those a lot, especially his mother's, but there was _something_ in Hakaze's that felt like it was just supposed to be. Something that made him feel addicted. It was new, to him.

"Are you feeling better?" he still enquired, worried that it would not be enough.

A hum answered him, followed by a sniff.

"Can we stay like that a little more?"

There was some sort of desperation barely resounding in Hakaze's voice, almost as if he was _begging_ , and of course, the only thing Souma felt like doing was to oblige. There was no way he would admit how much he was happy with it; how much Kaoru could just decide to hug him and never let him go. Souma needed it too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the nice reactions I got for the latest chapters ♥ I'm always happy to get those!   
> Thanks for reading this time too ♥


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHA I was so engrossed with my kanji studying yesterday I completely forgot posting the new chapter! So anyway! Here it is ♥

"Souma, you're going to get wrinkles if you keep frowning that much."

Anzu's voice called him back to reality. Turning his head around, he noticed classes were over, and everybody was already leaving the room; and yet, he hadn't taken any note for the whole afternoon. Taking a deep breath, he started collecting his things, ready to go to practice; preparing to get scolded was the best thing he could do, since he hadn't been focused at all, that day.

Instead, Souma had been trying to wrap his head around what was happening. Something _was_ happening between Hakaze and him. He had only noticed it when his senior had left, but the atmosphere between them had shifted, and he really wanted to know why. Why he hadn't felt even half as bad as he thought he would after being dumped, why he felt so comfortable around _that disgrace_ , why he had been feeling so lonely since the second their embrace had been broken.

"I'm sorry, Lady Anzu," Souma finally answered. "I have a lot on my mind."

An indecipherable expression had taken place on his friend's face. As much as the young man tried to understand her, sometimes it just seemed impossible, and he envied Adonis for growing up with three sisters: it probably helped with their producer.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

_Talk about it_... He pondered for a second, before nodding. It could be good to talk about it, whenever they both had time. Maybe it could help him, because his mind felt like it was talking very loudly, while a dozen other voices were doing the same, about completely different subjects. Talking about it with someone that had nothing to do with it would probably help. He had considered asking his unit members about it, but not for very long: they would both go and kill Hakaze if he ever did so, rather than actually listening to him.

Or, on a more rational thought, Hasumi would just ask him not to approach Akatsuki's youngest member again because it disturbed him too much for practice - and that was something Souma refused. Not being able to contact his senior, he had tried imagining it: Souma would just feel too empty to even _want_ to participate in his own unit's activities. But Anzu...

"Gladly," he answered, "but I have to go to practice for now, so maybe after that, if you're free.

\- Alright," his classmate confirmed, "I'll wait for you, then, good luck with practice!"

She still had that mysterious smile, but Souma didn't have any more time to think about it: Hasumi and Kiryu were most certainly already waiting for him, and he didn't want to suffer more scolding than needed, especially when he already feared his own performance. He had been less focused, those days, already, which had resulted in Hasumi being very unhappy with his work, and Kiryu trying to calm their leader down.

"Kanzaki, you're late," were the first words he heard; enough to know that practice, today, was going to be long, very long.

When Souma opened the door, eyes reddened and frustrated, he had just been prevented from committing _seppuku_ because of the burden he had been for his seniors. Practice had been cut short considering all the mistakes he had made. Kiryu had asked him if he wanted to talk about it, but Hasumi was too angry for that (and Souma would have found it uncomfortable to talk about it with _them_ anyway). Inside of the room, the third years were fighting, but he was feeling so bad he just wanted to go look for the jellyfishes and hug their tank tightly. Or meet Kamegorou in the club and forget about his problems.

He didn't expect to meet both Anzu and Hakaze just in front of the door, chatting, her holding his hands. _Great_. The frustration, in his heart, grew bigger, so walked past them, as fast as he could; apparently he had gotten his friend's intentions all wrong. Souma thought he had an idea of what was happening, and wanted to confirm it with Anzu, but apparently, he was worse at reading people's attitude than he had thought. Not that it was a secret to anyone, but he was angry he had misunderstood it all. _Of course_ it couldn't have been that. Not when it was about _him_.

"Souma!" he heard and ignored.

He didn't want to hear anything. Not from any of them. Rushing to the club room, Souma didn't even take the time to salute the president (he'd regret it _later_ ), took a portion of turtle food from the jar with a spoon, and gave it to the small turtle. In order not to hurt Kamegorou, Souma left him to eat there, took a chair, and sat in front of the jellyfishes' tank. It was hypnotic, and nice, and relaxing. So maybe he could forget about his seniors for a few minutes, and focus on the jellyfishes.

He loved the jellyfishes. They all had their own characters, and he had given them nicknames - they already had official names, all of them being onomatopoeia about water. All of them after people from the school. ...And right now, he started regretting it, especially when the ones named after Hakaze and himself started annoying each other. It was the very first time he saw them like that; what if one of them killed the other? He would never forgive himself. So, he alerted the club president immediately, who came next to his sides. He expected an emergency evacuation, but all he got was a laugh, and a pat on the head.

"There is nothing to <<worry>> about, Souma. They are not <<fighting>>. But we'll need a larger aquarium, for the <<babies>>."

_The babies._

_Wait, which babies?!_ Unsure, he stared at his senior, looking from him to the jellyfishes, and noticing very small, transparent spheres slowly falling to the bottom of the aquarium. The second jellyfish, the one he had named after himself, covered them for a short moment, while on his smartphone, the club president was looking for something, a tender smile on his lips. _Babies..._

"Jellyfish babies?!" he suddenly realized, shaken, shouting a little too loud.

If it was true, then he would be even happier! He'd need to find nicknames for them as well, for names were the president's duty, but it would be the very first time they would have births in the club. Souma was already planning it all: preparing a party - a small, not too noisy one to avoid disturbing the creatures, and he would invite his seniors from Akatsuki to see the eggs hatch.

"What jellyfish babies are you talking about?" another voice inquired after the door had opened.

Suddenly, if felt like watching the jellyfishes wouldn't be enough anymore. Actually, even _coming to the club_ would probably not feel as relaxing as before ever again. It wasn't anyone's fault, but the young man felt frustrated his friends didn't tell him anything. Especially when Anzu had been listening to his troubles about Hakaze. _That was probably the reason she smiled like that,_ he guessed. Glancing at the jellyfishes and their eggs, he grabbed his bag and sword.

"Nothing you'd care about," he answered Hakaze, before walking towards the door, "I'm not feeling very well, President. I think I'd better go home."

A sorry smile accompanied Shinkai's nod; Souma refrained a relieved sigh, finally leaving the club, ignoring his senior's calls to him. He walked as fast as he could to the academy's entrance, only stopping when a hand on his shoulder forced him to. Rage was taking over his body, and he was about to unsheathe his _katana_ to cut the hand's owner, when he was forced to turn around and face the disgrace. _Go away, I don't want to see your face._ Ready to hit his senior, Souma clenched his fists, but was stopped with a single hand.

"Hey, what's happening with you again?"

There was absolutely no anger, no rage in Hakaze's words; for a short second, the second year student felt as weak as a kitten, and wanted to cry and apologize. But that wasn't how it worked, especially in that case, and however the blond was acting wouldn't change a thing about how he was feeling. Something had broken inside of him, that made him want to spend time alone. If only the day could end once and for all! Why had it turned like that in the first place ?

"I was enough of a fool to believe my friends would tell me about important matters concerning them," Souma hissed, "But I was even more of a fool to believe you or Lady Anzu would think of me as a friend. Now please release me, or I will have to do something I really don't want to do."

The grip on his wrist only slightly loosened, just not enough for him to act as he wished. He could, though, surprise his senior and give himself the opportunity to run; yet for some reason, Souma couldn't find the heart to do so. He was so angry, so frustrated, so desperate that he just wanted to disappear. Or for Hakaze to disappear, for that matter. He didn't care, as long as he could avoid thinking about what he had seen, about his friends' secrets, about how _naive_ he had been. Of course, if Hakaze had fallen in love with a man, there was no way it could be him.

"Wait, Souma," the second year student felt his left wrist being grabbed, too, "I don't understand a word of what you're saying!"

_Of course, you wouldn't._

"Can you at least tell me what's your problem?!"

Filled with a rage he didn't imagine, the younger of the two freed himself from his senior's grip. It didn't matter that a school year separated them. It didn't matter that he promised himself to respect even the most pitiful of enemies. Right now, Hakaze Kaoru only deserved a slap in the face; and he got it.

"You want to know what my problem is? Then look at your reflection in a mirror!" he shouted, "Look at the disgrace you are! I was starting to think I could trust you, but in the end you're no more than a liar," he had toned his voice down, but trembled in anger and growled, "I was about to figure out my feelings about you, to embrace the idea that maybe, I was the lucky man that gained your affection. But does he even exist, or were you just telling me a lie so I wouldn't feel too bad?! Because apparently, Lady Anzu is more to your taste!"

Hakaze stood still, surprise and shock showing on his face. Souma was starting to regret talking, and freed his hand. Immediately, he unsheathed his sword, striking a strong blow towards his senior. Precision didn't matter, for he was going to miss anyway, but at least he had made his message clear. Not even expecting any response, he turned his back to Hakaze, and started walking home. If only rain would fall, at least he would have been able to hide his tears... He couldn't see a thing by the time he had climbed down half the hill, and his pace had slowed down, so he could concentrate on calming the violent sobs that agitated his whole upper body.

He didn't expect the impact, nor the familiar warmth around him. Souma wanted to push him away, to punch him in the face, to shout at him, again, until he went away; but didn't have the strength to do so, and instead stopped walking. If he completely stopped moving and ignored Hakaze, maybe he could be left alone, right? No, not right. It didn't work that way and Souma knew it perfectly. Especially when the other party was the disgrace. He had always been weak to him, and that was why he couldn't stand being next to him. Why he wanted to show his strength.

Because he was weak to Hakaze Kaoru.

"Okay, are you ready to listen to me?" the third year student asked after a while.

Souma's breath had become more regular, and calmer. The sobs had gone away, as well as most of the tears. One or two of them sometimes rolled on his cheeks, accompanied by a hiccup, but once he could hear Hakaze's voice, it all stopped. He as just tired, and wanted to go home, sleep and forget everything about that day.

"I am," he still admitted, in such a tiny voice that he wasn't sure it could be heard.

"Good."

Slowly, calmly, the arms loosened around him, and Hakaze, without ever completely losing contact with him, walked around to face him. At least, there was a good point in all this. So, he waited, gaze defiant, right hand ready to unsheathe, to show Hakaze he wouldn't let his guard down.

"Okay," the blond started, nodding at the sword. "I get that you're upset seeing Anzu hold my hands," Souma started to draw his _katana_ , "But instead of interpreting, you should have asked us. Souma, she was cheering on me. You know she's scared of me, but she was showing me her progress," the younger drew his sword a little farther, "Okay, that wasn't a good way to put it. The one girl in my surroundings that is actually _scared_ of me was trying to give me self confidence for the one thing I never thought I would do in my _life,_ Souma."

Frowning, ready to bite again, Souma almost barked:

"Then what is it, that such a lazy man and a genius as you thought you wouldn't do, huh? Finding the will to actually _work_?"

He had gone too far. Souma was aware he still needed to work on his self-control, and that he should let his feelings ever influence his judgment. But in that particular case, it hurt just way too much; Souma was completely lost, and the only way he knew to feel better was to unleash his feelings.

"Yeah, well, I've been working on that for a little while, actually, you know?" the tone was dryer than expected, enough for Souma not to dare talking anymore. "Okay, Kaoru, it's your moment," the blond cheered on himself, "It's the first time I'm doing that, so don't mock me, okay?"

Mocking him? Souma had ten times more reasons to kill him than to mock him, actually, and didn't even understand where that _disgrace_ was going. And if it was to make things worse, then he didn't even care. He just wanted to go home and forget about his day, train, go next to the river and just idle the rest of the day away. He would just come for dinner and then go to bed immediately so the hundred of things that had happened would just disappear in one go. But yet he was there, waiting for a nervous blond he never actually found himself hating to finally let out what was bothering him.

"Just say it," he replied in a blank, tired voice. "I don't mock people, not even you."

After a bit of an awkward nod, Hakaze finally started explaining:

"You seem tired, so I'll try and make it as brief as I can, but you see... Your hopes weren't in vain," the blond tried to explain, and Souma wondered what he was talking about for a second. "It's-... I know it's weird to hear it from me, but, I like you, Souma. More than just a friend, more than a senior likes his junior. I'm...

\- Wait."

_Wait, wait, wait. What on earth is he saying?! It's not possible, right?_

"Are you saying...

\- I'm saying you're the man I fell in love with."

The second year student suddenly felt pain in his chest, and it was only when his cheeks felt hot that he realized: it was his heart, beating faster. Many questions came to his mind, and he wanted to _know_ , to _understand_ why, how and when it had started happening. Why he hadn't noticed it, why he was so bad at picking clues. And most of all, what was he supposed to answer?! He hadn't come to terms with how he was feeling about Hakaze, not yet, and had been ready to give up after he had spotted him and Anzu.

"It's okay if you don't want to answer immediately. I think I just needed to tell you, especially considering what you were imagining right now. It's okay if you don't answer my feelings at all, actually. I'm ready for that."

His voice sounded ridiculously shaky for someone who pretended to be ready. Souma looked at him, at the Hakaze Kaoru that seduced all the women around without showing the slightest flaw, the one that had many fans and brought so many people to his unit's lives. The one that used to say he refused doing many things because _why was he supposed to do it with guys_? Souma frowned for a second, worried someone wanted to trick him, turning around the third year student, checking he wasn't someone else in disguise.

But it wasn't. It really was Hakaze Kaoru, in front of him. The one who had admitted falling in love with a man; one that had someone already. ... _Oh wait._

"How did you know I was taken?"

He had never really talked about it with his club mate, even though he never intended to hide it in the first place.

"Someone in my unit tends to be very blunt when you ask him ironical questions," the blond rubbed his neck, "Don't blame him, though, I guess it's due to his language skills."

Souma nodded, jaded by himself: he should have known Hakaze would hear about it some day, especially considering _who_ he had been dating. And he didn't know if it was better or worse that he was the one to tell his senior about their separation. Suddenly, the second-year jumped, and looked into the sorry grey eyes, mouth agape: a few more dots had connected. Taking a deep breath, Souma tried thinking about what to say, and he noticed: he wasn't in any state to make a rationnal decision. His thoughts were going everywhere, and considering all the things he had seen, heard, and learnt today, Souma felt like he needed to rest first.

"It's alright," he accepted, "But I can't answer you right now. Or rather, I could and am dying for it, but I don't want to regret a decision I wouldn't have thought over."

The blond looked at him, still not letting go, as if he feared looking away or not being in contact with him would result in Souma disappearing. The younger had thought about it, actually, for just a second before listening to all Hakaze had to tell him. But right now his body didn't want to go anywhere, except maybe closer to his senior's - and that was why he needed to think about it.

"It's okay," Hakaze accepted, "Take your time, and when - if - you feel like it, we'll talk about it, okay? I can wait."

Finally smiling, Souma bowed to show his gratitude, and left for home, his heart already lighter than before.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, always!   
> Now I'm gonna disappear into that other game I play's second anniversary story ~


	7. Chapter 7

By the time Souma fell asleep, he knew he wouldn't have to think as much as he had said. Yes, of course Hakaze's sudden declaration had taken him by surprise, especially after he had misunderstood what had happened - and Souma was so frustrated about it he couldn't just accept his mistake right on the spot - and especially when it was the last thing he actually expected from his senior.

He was lucky Hakaze was good with words, and way more respectful than the second year usually admitted. He thought about atoning for his sins with seppuku, but the sole thought of hurting the blond made him forget about it immediately. And, he decided, he needed to stop hiding behind his sword. Hiding himself from his feelings, hiding his huge crush on his club mate. Suddenly, the jellyfishes came back to his mind, and he had to hide his face between his hands. It felt like the stupidest of metaphors, or a very strange coincidence that those precise two jellyfishes were going to have babies together - either that, or gods had tried to send him a message in a very gross way.

The smile on his lips lasted until the next morning, before he went to take his breakfast. At the top of the stairs, Souma took a deep breath and tried to compose a calmer expression. He didn't want his parents to ask too many questions, especially when it concerned someone from school. He didn't want to have to explain them all the things that had been happening in a few days, but granting them a smile was always a pleasure. By the time he had finally decided to climb down the stairs, Ryouta was in front of him, his arms trying to reach his big brother's.

Ryouta was getting tall, enough for Souma to still carry him without much problems, but he wondered for how long that would last. _The longest possible would be great_ , he thought. Because he wanted his brother to stay young as long as possible and not have to bother with the family's business. Hugging the young one as a salutation, the second year student then took him in his arms, and climbed down the stairs to take the breakfast he deserved.

"Say, Adonis hasn't come for a while," the younger asked, "Is he okay?"

Souma stopped.

_I should have known._ Of course, even though he had always tried to be discreet around his family, when someone stopped coming for a reason or another, there would always be someone to notice it. And the three last times someone stopped coming to their house was because they had passed away. So, he ruffled his brother's hair, and let him reach walk by himself.

"He is," he assured. "Right now he prefers spending some time with his family, but he'll come back, someday.

\- Did you fight?"

It didn't count as a fight, did it? Souma pondered for a moment.

"I'm sad if you fought, I like Adonis."

Laughing, the older finally fave his answer:

"No, we didn't fight. And you'll see him again, promise. We'll go to his next concert together, okay? And if you're nice, I'll introduce you to someone else.

\- Who?

\- Some weird man," he admitted; not the best description, but probably the most attractive aspect he could tell his sibling about without using adjectives he wasn't used to attribute to Hakaze.

Ryouta's happy nod stayed in his mind until he went to school, only fading a bit when Anzu entered the classroom. She seemed a bit down, even though that disgrace probably had sent her messages to tell her about the situation. Sometimes, it was regretable that technology and him weren't friends, because in those circumstances, he would have been able to just tell her about their conversation. So, when she avoided his gaze, Souma took her by the arm. He tried to be careful with his strength, because last time he did so, he had unwillingly hurt her - and that was something he couldn't allow himself to do right now. She already seemed in pain anyway.

"Can we talk?" he asked, quickly adding: "I'm not angry anymore."

_Lord Kiryu might be right when he says I shouldn't get angered so easily._ The young woman tensed up a little bit, but she still nodded, though not looking at him. As they went to a calmer place than their classroom - where the idiot duo from that idiot unit was making stupid jokes and talking way too loudly - he bowed. So low that his hair touched the ground, but he couldn't put it back in place, not right now. Not before his apologies were accepted.

"I'm sorry for my reaction yesterday. It was inappropriate, and I should have asked before assuming. Please forgive me."

He felt nervous, even though Anzu wasn't the type of people that refused apologies. Soon, her hands were on his shoulder, and he understood she wanted him to stop bowing. Once he stood straight again, the young woman looked at him, the tiniest of smiles on her lips.

"Hasumi was fulminating when he left your practice room. I guessed you didn't have the best of days," she waited for his approval before going on: "Hakaze told me not to worry and that he was going to find you, but I never got to know how it went on, so I was worried you were still angry."

Of course, if nothing had gone the way it had, he would probably still be angry, and frustrated. Actually, he felt like he would have rejected any explanation if it were for anyone else. But Hakaze, for some reason he still had difficulties to admit, was able to calm the storm inside of him as if it was simple, as if he had done it all his life long. The second year student was glad for it; he had almost put one of his most important friendships in danger.

"He did," Souma explained. "He was very patient. He talked to me."

And his heart missed a bit when he remembered Hakaze's scent, the feeling of his arms around him, the familiar, and warm feeling of his presence; and more doubts dissipated. He would have to find his senior during the break, and have a talk with him. _Focus, Souma. You'll take care of that later._

"I'm glad, then," his classmate sighed in relief. "I couldn't let you sabotage one of your potential relationships. Not again. You know, even the girls in my former schools weren't as dramatic as the both of you can be. So now, instead of doubting because you fear I don't know what, just embrace your feelings for once and go declare, because I'm growing tired of you guys' shit."

Before he could even find something to say about how Hakaze had _already_ declared to him, or about his friend's sudden language, she dragged him to their class; Anzu had probably seen their teacher enter first, and knew how much Souma hated to be late. Besides, classes would make time go faster, right? And if time went on faster, then he could get rid of that weight on his shoulder sooner.

Except that classes didn't make time pass faster. He was constantly looking at the time, but everytime he did, only one to five minutes had went on, and the moment he would be able to talk with Hakaze seemed to be farther away. His focusing skills seemed to still be on holidays gods knew where, and he couldn't help but notice the quick glances he sometimes got from Adonis or Anzu. They both seemed worried, but at least, one of them knew what was going on.

At the first break, after he let out the longest of sighs, he noticed someone in front of his desk. He expected Anzu, of course; and found himself jumping when he noticed his former boyfriend in front of him, a worried frown on his face. He seemed a bit uncomfortable, rubbing his arms until the swordsman looked at him. He didn't feel like saying anything, because there were so many words at the border of his lips, and they were destined for a very precise person.

"Kanzaki," the metis started, only getting a plaintive moan as a response, "I, uh," he really seemed so tense he would explose any second, now, "I noticed Hakaze and you were getting close, lately," Souma's heart skipped a beat, "and uh, I just wanted to say, if something has to happen, I'm okay with it, I mean..."

He would probably never know what his friend meant, because he stopped his sentence at this precise moment. He tried understanding what was going on, but really, Adonis's sudden attitude was a mystery. A nice mystery: he felt more relieved that he would have guessed. His heart felt lighter, he'd have to thank Adonis for it. Actually, he even had to force himself not to run to the blond's class.

"Thank you," he simply answered, even though he still couldn't understand where that came from, "I'm glad."

His friend nodded, despite the very light hint of sadness haunting the corner of his lips. Souma tried not to think about it and how heartbreaking it was, and instead did his best to stay as calm as possible. Classes were not over yet, and if they had to seem as long as they did earlier, getting too excited would be his death. And after all, who even knew if Hakaze was in class, today? Asking himself that question was, indeed, the worst he could have done that day: now he was impatient _and_ anxious. Sighing, he lied his head between his arms, and let his despair invade him.

"Uh, Kanzaki, are you alright?"

Adonis was way too nice for his own good, especially right now, but Souma didn't dare saying it out loud. No need to say things that could get misinterpreted. He always tried his best when talking to his friend, but still ended up using the old, complicated japanese his family had taught him. The worst was that dropping it in front of that blond idiot was an easy thing to do, especially at the time they were fighting a lot. _Breathe, Souma, don't think about the club's disgrace, and forget about the time_. He would probably never be able to forget about the time, the clock's hands were turning _so slowly_ in front of his eyes he would turn crazy before morning classes were over.

"I am," he lied, hoping to be convincing enough.

"Your words don't match your actions," the metis noticed, reminding the purple-head of how much he hated how Adonis could suddenly become observant when it came to subjects people didn't want to talk about, "Do you want to go to the infirmary? Or I could go and get Kiryu or Hasumi...

\- Don't!" Souma shouted, "I am alright! See? I'd have to atone for my sins with seppuku if one of them uselessly worries for me!"

He was out of breath, but refused to let his friend alert any of his seniors - especially considering that neither of them knew about the situation, and they would probably get angry with him if they did. Maybe he'd tell them. Someday. Before they died. But clearly not when Hasumi and Hakaze were in the same room and able to kill each other easily. He didn't want any one of them to loose his life, especially in such a time; or he wouldn't be able to pardon himself. Adonis seemed only half convinced, but he still shrugged and went back to his desk, ready for classes to start again.

As expected, time went even slower. By the time the bell rang, he was half asleep, and had the feeling it already was the evening. Ignoring his belly's loud growl, Souma grabbed his lunch, rushing to the third years' floor. There, he tried to ignore the weirded look his unit senior was giving him, especially since he didn't have enough time to go and talk to him, according to himself. For now, his aim was Hakaze.

Souma looked around the classroom: it wasn't very large, yet the one he was looking for wasn't there. His hopes were way too high, as usual. He still decided to try and look a second time, checking if he had seen well enough - in a class with only seven students, it was hard to miss one, but Souma really wanted to believe he had been wrong. Unfortunately, only three people were missing, and of course, Hakaze _had_ to be one of them. Lowering his eyes, he left the classroom, only to be stopped immediately.

"Kanzaki."

_Crap._

"Sir Hasumi?" he answered, bowing in front of his senior, earning a sigh.

"You seem depressed. Is something the matter?"

He _had_ to flee. How, he didn't know, but he needed to escape that room within the next minute, or he would have to fear for the disgrace's life, and he never had actually wanted that.

"Please pardon me, Sir, but I can not answer this question for now," he quickly apologized, before hurrying to the corridor, barely saluting Kiryu when they crossed paths.

Everything wasn't lost yet, he decided. He could still use his phone, if he managed not to mistake phone numbers again. While walking towards the stairs that led to the second years' classrooms, he unlocked the smartphone, and tried to find Hakaze's name in his contacts. Unfortunately, he had only found his messages, and most of them were from either Hasumi or Kiryu. One was an attempt by Adonis, but it made no sense at all. Hakaze... Never texted him, even though he did it all the time with women.

"You should have seen this wave," he heard, stepping down, "it was so huge I couldn't keep my calm, and ended up rolling in it."

He didn't need to hear more about the conversation: Souma unsheathed his weapon, and stroke a blow towards the origin of the voice, as soon as he saw him. Of course, he managed avoiding to cut his aim (he had become pretty good at it, lately),  but Hakaze still had to be secured by his two classmates, in case he fell in the stairs. He had made sure Morisawa and his heroic attitude were around, because his senior's death wasn't a thing he wished for, and luckily, the young man had been quick enough.

"Souma?" the blond called.

The other two exchanged a look, and left the two of them alone, in the middle of the stairs. A bit ashamed and trying to refrain from comitting _seppuku_ as a apology for risking Hakaze's life, he looked away, and showed his lunchbox. Nothing happened for a good minute; he feared he'd have to use words, but his senior was smarter than that, and just smiled.

"I'm going to take mine, and we can go on the roof, or in the club room, what do you think about it?"

Without any more words, the second year nodded, and followed his senior towards the 3-A classroom. The place seemed suddenly noisier, but Souma still decided not to take risks, and stay outside, where he couldn't be seen. He didn't need _more_ questions, especially if Hasumi saw him waiting for Hakaze, considering they hated each other, to his knowledge. He'd probably have to explain a few things to his seniors, very soon... Luckily, Hakaze was fast, and they soon were out of the danger zone, and up to the roof. For once, they were the only ones there. Ignoring the constant vibration of his phone, because it had already been a hassle just to find the man he was looking for, Souma followed his senior to a bench.

"So, I guess it's about what we talked yesterday, right?"

He quickly nodded, hoping Hakaze wouldn't notice how much he was lacking words on the moment - though he had probably noticed already. Once he was sat, he looked at the lunchbox. Right now, it didn't seem very attractive, but this time he just _knew_ why. Except that it felt very, very hard to word correctly. While he was looking for his words, Souma noticed how Hakaze was half-turned towards him, a smile on his face, his lunchbox left untouched on his side. He seemed to admire the view from up the hill, looking at the town and the ocean. The younger did the same, in the hope he'd find peace of heart in the evercoming waves that crashed on the sand with the purest of sounds.

They stayed that way for a long time, without saying a word, and for some reason - _no, stop lying to yourself, Souma, you know why_ \- Akatsuki's youngest member felt fulfilled. He didn't need more; he wouldn't say no to being surrounded by more of his friends, but being there, sitting next to _his_ sides, was just enough. It was time to stop fleeing, and finally accept the truth - the one he had tried hiding in his heart. His feelings towards his former boyfriend had never been half what they seemed to be.

"I don't think it's necessary to go deep or have a long conversation about it," he finally admitted, and that had nothing to do with the words he had planned to say, "It's just here. Right now," Souma was conscious his words made no sense, but couldn't find a better way to phrase what he was feeling, "I just feel good... At peace. Fulfilled, even, when you're there. And... you're always there. It's good, because I don't need anything else. If that's what love is, then, you have your answer," the junior declared, before opening his lunchbox.

Now that the words stuck in the his throat had escaped, he felt lighter, and hunger was showing up. He just hoped Hakaze wouldn't do any sudden movement, because he didn't want to spill the delicious lunch his mother had prepared; with, Souma noticed, all of his favorite foods. As he was about to take his chopsticks, the second year student felt an arm sneak around his waist, and closed his lunchbox immediately. Alright. _Alright, okay, breathe,_ he had to tell himself, suddenly way too aware he had declared a love he had been hiding even from himself to the one he was longing for. _He declared first, Souma, remember that!_ But it was more easily said than done, to the point his cheeks seemed to be on fire by the time Hakaze's eyes were looking into his.

He gulped, his body trying to escape the situation while his mind was completely confused. No thought was in the right order, not a single word came to his mind, and he wasn't sure he would be able to understand anything said to him in the upcoming minutes - the coherent thought of _reciprocated feelings_ barely even making its way to his head. Still, Souma felt himself clinging to his senior, and though in complete panic, relaxing against him. And it felt good - better than anything else, just being there, close to each other, Hakaze's comforting scent almost lulling him to sleep. As if all his troubles had suddenly disappeared, never to come back.

"I'm happy," the older of them whispered, "I would have been in any case, even if you hated me instead, but I got way much more than I could have expected. Thank you, Souma."

The purple-haired swordsman's heart skipped a beat. And the best part was that he didn't even have to care if it was because of Hakaze's charming voice, or because he was way too intoxicated with him, or even because the setting was way too perfect: it was because of it all, and the world was telling him he had every single right to enjoy it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOUUUH HE'S HAPPY \o/
> 
> Thanks for reading, as always ~ And stay tuned for the very last part, on Saturday ~


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the other ones, but please enjoy it anyway ~

Souma had been the very first one to purchase a ticket for the live. The second one, really, but Hasumi had told him the very first ticket had been sold even _before_ the public sales - so it didn't count. Besides, it didn't matter who got the place next to him; he already knew it could even be the student council president, it wouldn't change a thing: as soon as UNDEAD would be on the stage, he wouldn't be able to see anything else.

When asked why he would even go and see a concert from a rival unit, the only excuse he had managed to come up with was because he wanted to to study their performance so he could think about his own attitude on stage and ponder over his abilities as a member of the second most powerful unit in the school - the truth was that Hakaze's presence on the stage was mesmerizing, and the lone idea of missing it would be a complete waste. If it weren't, he would have gone anyway - Souma noted, in a corner of his mind, that he needed to find a few other excuses he could easily use.

When the speakers blasted UNDEAD's new song, Souma had completely forgotten about the world around him. For the very first time, he was able to see them in a new light. The unit that defied authority, the very same one that usually interrupted their performances, the ones that helped with the revolution his classmates had started. And now that he saw them under a different light, he could easily understand why it worked. They took all of the place on the stage, leaving no space to hesitation or chaos, unlike what people thought of them. They were in complete control, both of what was happening on the stage, and of their audience. Souma even found himself completely under their spell, complying to each of the unit's request, his heart missing a beat every single time his boyfriend was winking at him, or even just looking towards him - and there had been a lot of those.

As the lights went back on, for a short moment - just enough for the twins to announce who the next unit was - he took his bag and _katana_ , and rushed backstages. It was only when he checked his phone, in the hallway, that he realized: he had been surrounded by both the student council president and his own club president. Hoping Shinkai wouldn't be too angry against him, he almost jumped when his phone vibrated into his hand, showing a call from Hakaze. His heart racing, he answered, both a little confused and a bit ashamed.

"Souma! Where are you?" the tired but still suave voice asked.

For a reason he could barely understand, the young swordsman fell like he was about to collapse; leaning against the wall, he gave his position, and closed his eyes. Right now, he was glad everybody was gathered to the live house and the classes it was broadcasted in, because it meant they could be alone, completely, for a moment. It was quite rare considering their activities, so every single second they could spend together was important, even more when they were alone.

Hakaze was out of breath when he joined him, and didn't even say a word before hugging Souma. He was still sticky from dancing and hadn't taken the time to change at all, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered at all, actually, because he was the luckiest man in the world, the only one that got the right to spend his free time between Hakaze Kaoru's arms, the only one that couldn't lie when he said he dated one of UNDEAD's third-years. As soon as he felt the still shaking hands on his arms, and raising to cup his face, he knew; and when the gray eyes looked into his, the second year could feel his own pulse through his whole body.

They had never kissed before, but Hakaze Kaoru's lips were just like him: generous, and soft, and just like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the fluffy conclusion to our story ~ Thank you for reading, so far!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Your reactions are a real motivation ♥  
> I'm so glad and happy with the reactions towards The Blooming of the Cherry Trees, I hope this (short) work will please you too!


End file.
